faux pas ou pas?//Jean shorts.

I’m not gonna lie, I love a jean short. But, it’s time to back down and end your reign gracefully.

Up until college, I decided that shorts, as a type of clothing, sucks ass. Like literally sucking your ass into the smallest amount of fabric possible. It is all sorts of uncomfortable and revealing all at the same time. In high school, I was all about the jean skirt. But that’s a whole other thing…

this guy// 80s surf punk.

A couple of weeks ago I went to the reunion show of Middle Class, one of the pioneers of hardcore punk in southern California in the late 70s, early 80s. I was blown away by the whole show, the openers M.H.V. and Audacity (Fullerton High represent!) were absolutely amazing. But all I can think about after the show was the bassist for M.H.V. I wish I took a picture. I wasn’t having a creepy high school crush, but I was hardcore crushing on his style.

Let me paint you a picture. Tall and lanky like your typical punk. Bleach blond hair, perfectly trimmed and mussed. The simplest combination of a vintage green and white striped turtleneck short-sleeved top, straight legged light blue Levi’s, white socks and the Orange County staple canvas Vans lace-ups. And the wildest rock moves—I think he was actually trained in interpretive dance.
So I did some “research” and found that this mysterious bassist has the coolest clothes ever. Almost a cross between the Sex Pistols and the Beach Boys (M.H.V.’s sound gives me that same surf punk feeling). A polished punk look that I’m totally digging. Definitely a good one for the thinner boys.

Look at his perfectly contorted legs and tousled hair! Don’t get me started on his shirt.The guitarist has his moments too. I especially like his bolero tie. Subtle male accessories.How killer is that vintage print? Sunglasses and beach balls?! This kid can pull off anything!

How to dress like this guy:

1. Assess your body type. Are you a tall, slim man? Do you wear XS/S everything? Well this is the look for you. Sorry other boys, for now I’m focusing on the lanky dudes. This look is all about the fit and proportion.
2. Keep things slim but not skin tight. You don’t want to look like a skeleton. See how his shirt doesn’t show off his nipples? Perfect fit. The shirt has to be of the same fitted-ness as your pants, you’ll know if one or the other is too big. You want the pants to hit around your true waist for the best tucked-in look.
3. Go crazy with the prints. Hit up the thrift stores and pick out some short-sleeved button downs. You can start off with some stripes and graduate to full on flamingo print later. Just make sure they fit correctly especially around the shoulders. If the sleeves are a little long, roll them up (hit right around the upper bicep). The top should be bright and loud and tailored to your body. I actually went with more of a pastel palette since that’s all I could find online, but don’t be afraid to try more saturated colors.
4. This is the best summer look. Pair with simple tapered jeans cuffed at the bottom. Or even some tailored shorts, hitting around mid-thigh. Keep the colors light for that 80s feel. The best part about using a pastel palette is how easy it would be to mix and match all the different elements. The shirt/pants/shoes combo is infinite. And if it clashes a little, who cares? It’s punk.
5. Stick to slimmer sneakers as well. Lace-up Vans and Converses are always good. Even boat shoes. You want the proportions to be right, so stay away from cartoon-sized sneaks à la Nike.

Topman/green palm leaves print shirt, $50
Converse/high top shoes, $60
RSQ London/skinny mens jeans, $45
LEVI’S/511 skinny extra slim men’s jeans, $40
Topman/green flamingo print shirt, $50
Topman/dark blue diver print shirt, $50
Topman/burgundy stripe oxford short sleeve shirt, $50
Saturdays Surf NYC/bellows twill short, $98
VANS/Zapato Del Barco men’s shoes, $65
VANS/106 vulcanized men’s shoes, $50

Now buy a bottle of bleach you’ll look as cool as this guy!

Eighties are back…

When I was in high school, off the shoulder t-shirts, leg warmers and side ponytails weren’t just an “80’s Day” spirit week joke.  Some girls sported neon leggings as fashion statement and high school for me was in the 2000’s.  Orange Country, California, what are you going to do.  I have never been a big fan of that decade and I prayed it wouldn’t return.

So while I was archiving photos from Style.com for my unmentionable magazine internship, I discovered this bad boy.

Welcome, the 2011 Fall/Winter RTW from Dolce & Gabbana.

The new line baffled me, Dolce & Gabbana in my mind is the fashion house for sensual if not down right sexual take on the feminine silhouette.  You can’t take things like star print and fanny-packs and make them modern.  You can sure try though.  And Dolce & Gabbana tried so hard.

The infamous piano print.  But it gets even more intense from here…

You got your shoes and then your matching clutch…

And ta-da! You have a whole rocking outfit!

Guess they didn’t want to do leopard print for another year season…but they do leopard so well!  Musical notes and symbols…not as sexy…

This line was definitely a miss.  Most of these looks scream Hot Topic.  Which, don’t get me wrong, I’m an avid supporter of all the punk princesses out there, and boy to I love Avril, but this isn’t something a fashion entity such as Dolce & Gabbana should dabble in.

A couple more picture to really solidify my point, then moving on to my favorite designer who is actually stuck in the glorious 80s.

Take away the star embellishments and this is actually a very nicely tailored woman’s three-piece.

Note: tiny fanny-pack + sock + bright pointy low pump…

This is a gorgeous dress, the drama, the fluidity, the shape…but the print?!?

And everything bad about gaudy 80s jewelry in dress form.

//

Dear Betsey Johnson,

I absolutely adored your pretty, colorful frocks; your cool graphic knits were a dream.  I went to my senior prom in one of your powdery pink lace and chiffon confection—my cupcake dress as I like to refer to it as.  Oh, and when your vintage inspired dresses a couple years ago, lush velvet numbers trimmed with wide antique lace, I couldn’t help but buy them all.  But now, I see the same strapless pouffy cocktail dresses each season, the same wild eighties throwback and even wilder prints that even Ms Frizzle would turn away from…  I miss your more delicate sense of nostalgia, please come back to the present.

Yours truly,

Cassandra

Ms. Frizzle would just like to say, she would never wear this.  Her prints have more class and serves a more educational purpose.

Oh, Betsey, what to do with you?